Is it better than indifference?

How does it feel to kill yourself from the inside
To hold your heart in your own first and tighten till the oxygen seeps out
The gulp when you realise it might be your last breath

Love is but a leash tightened around the neck of our souls capable of leading us to safety
But instead, we pull in the wrong direction
Leashes turn to nooses

I’m looking for you
Reaching for you
Calling out
But love has me standing on a stool
And every time you leave
it’s like my heart inches to kick the chair.

Apart by stars

Tell the moon you miss me
It will echoe across the stars
Towards a distant universe where  we don’t live apart.

There they will dream little day dreams of the love that lays dormant in our hearts,

In the meanwhile, if we were to stare at the moon tonight We’ll be bathed under the same light, together yet apart. 

Pulling strings

I do not fall in love
I immerse
submerge
dive into all you are
I infatuate
draw maps around your body
keeping track of the movements of your hands and the blinking of your eye’s
I crave to know you.
Your thoughts
I’ll ask questions about existence
beat my existential musing against your mind
counting steps to your soul

I do not fall in love
I run from it towards you
creating mountains and boundaries
hiding in fantasy and make-belief
I’ll romanticise your breathing till you are no longer real,
paging through your horoscope,
checking sun signs and moon positions,
I’m always trying to figure you out,
Like a child tackling a puzzle for the first time,
I am obsessed with knowing.

You will grow to resent me,
I’m indifferent
unavailable at best,
I will pull you close but never let you in,
like the tide and the moon, we will be in sync
and once I have figured you out,
like a child bored with their toys
I’ll leave.

Inside wants out

My soul keeps begging me to listen
Whistling in wind of thoughts its screaming for me to notice
To ignore the world and what it wants from me,
And instead to listen to my heart
The parts of me in need of freeing
My shadow self is screaming
Grabbing at the scissors
The hair falling at my feet
Its is whispering stop hiding,
Now the world will see you.

I’ve stopped drowing
I’m now drifting in the air
Pushed by winds of change
Tumbling through the currents
My souls been fighting
It is time i let it win.