It’s quiet without the gasping for air.

The anxiety is gone but I keep searching for it,
Like I’m a kid in search of a beloved toy
I am turning the room of my mind upside down
Screaming ‘why have you abandoned me’
As if I am alone without the voice
As if no one can hold me as tightly as I can pull my body into its self

I can’t find the panic.
I start to question how I know I’m alive if I’m not struggling for breath,
How will I know if it’s morning if I’m not awoken at 2am and then at 4 again,

I’m healing,
yet the comfort of knowing that some days the elephant visits a seat upon my chest has become something I long for,
who I am without the closing in of walls
I need practice at being ‘well ‘

 

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You don’t have to wait

If the world was burning
should I dare to believe that you would want to be standing next to me?
That in the blaze, your hand would reach out to me
and your arms shelter me from the ashy rains.

We have waited for the right moment to create this love
This shelter for our souls,
But if the flames were to rise before we got close
Would you abandon your fears and logic and come to find me?
Move boulders to get to me?

I am sitting playing with matches,
I’ve burnt so many bridges,
My world has been burning for a while now.
I was wondering if you would call.

Speechless

I have been playing with words for as long as I can remember ,
but somehow I still can’t find the words to say
that will have the power to make love materialise into
something concrete
something that doesn’t hurt
something that lasts forever
I remain rearranging alphabets to spell the words ‘stay’

We need to figure it out

I wish to no longer write of love lost between us
even if it means not thinking about you or outlining the image of this dream
No longer dragging my melancholy pen across a sea of paper.

I hoped we would have figured it out by now,
That the combination of two hearts longing for magic would trace a path way through the skies
Like star fated meant to be’s,

But you are thick
And I am stubborn ,
Like two asses that can’t figure out how to hitch themselves to awagon
Or follow the well lit road,
the road has literally become barrier between us
These train and planes can’t seem to bring you to me anyway ,

I’m left reaching in the dark with the fear that you’re not there,
you have been listening in a crowded city for my call, afraid that the silence means I don’t care.

We can’t begin when we have been throwing everything between us.
How do we move forward when we both to scared to move.

My love is magic

I have been waiting for my pen to turn into a wand
waving it across these pages
my ink like a trail of magic
tears of joy hitting the page like stardust,
I’ve been searching the dictionary for rhymes and words.

Am I a child to believe that pointing it between these lines would bring you close to me?
that my love holds enough magic to make my words into spells that would draw you back to me?

I’ve have been begging the moon to read you my letters,
I say “tell him to fetch my heart ”
“tell him I’ve been dreaming of him”
I’ve been folding these pages of failed words into ships
hoping the rivers formed by my tears would give them passage to you.

I’ve been missing you. I’ve grown tired of running
So, I am making this pen into a wand
I’m writing my love into spells  in these lines
My love is magic. I am calling you back to me.

Written in the sky

Who taught you the moon and sun have a tragic love?
why do you believe they live a tortured life apart
who taught you that time is linear,
that intimacy is a touch
that happiness and love are hard to come by?

Can’t you see that  the moon and the sun have the strongest of love,
an effortless unconditional acceptance
supporting each other through the tides and cloudy days,
the sun is always illuminating the moon through the night
the moon leaving the sun to be everyone’s spotlight

who told you they are opposing forces
they are two sides of the same coin
but there is a dance between them
of day and night that energises the world
they make love by pushing time
they connect by moving the world forward
climaxing through eclipses, such intimacy.

this world is a child
merely looking up at its parents not understanding the unity and beauty that comes from loving someone for lifetimes
that just their smile is enough to move oceans inside you,
why do you continue to believe that such a great symbol of love is star-crossed and destined to be apart?
when the very thought of the one prompts you to think of the other
they are married on your tongue

My Love,
Our love can’t  cease over distance or time
I need not your hand in mine every night
because like the moon and sun
our souls are married across lifetimes