Is it better than indifference?

How does it feel to kill yourself from the inside
To hold your heart in your own first and tighten till the oxygen seeps out
The gulp when you realise it might be your last breath

Love is but a leash tightened around the neck of our souls capable of leading us to safety
But instead, we pull in the wrong direction
Leashes turn to nooses

I’m looking for you
Reaching for you
Calling out
But love has me standing on a stool
And every time you leave
it’s like my heart inches to kick the chair.

A melancholy heartbeat

It is beautiful even if it is sad,
Even if tears the seams of your heart
And causes tidal waves in your soul
It remains beautiful,
Like the sky when it rains
Or the ocean’s waves
It’s beautiful because it’s strong
It roars, it thunders, it cries, it destructs
It makes you feel
What is more beautiful than a heart beat,
irrespective of why it beats?

Goodbye is common

I’m always saying goodbyes
but I’m standing still,
My life is me pushing my soul
like a boulder up a hill.

You’ve told me to be brave
To pave my own way,
You’ve asked me whats been forcing me to stay,
because you can’t feel the tide in which i’m drowning away
Or see these glass walls enclosing me in a cave.

Yes I’m weaker,
I fall to peices every time you return
I’ve been carving myself out of this skin hoping to run away
But fear keep calling me by name
It’s checks up on me
It’s sees if I’m okay
It’s become my closet friend

I’ve only learnt to say goodbye
No instructions on how to leave
You stand shouting  my fear is unreal,
Then when you leave you forget about me.

Atleast fear is left to hold me
the sound of the tide lulls me to sleep
I’m home in this cave.

The worth of knowing

I had the urge to drown myself
And when I could not die
For my spirit grew strong
I was washed upon the shore
Then had the urge to set everything on fire
Let the bridges burning warm me
the fields die and fertilize
Let the smoke push out anyone who no longer found me worth the clouded air
Corrupt my lungs and slow my breathing,

If I can not leave this world
I want to see who would remain here with me
But now I can’t breathe and I am lonely.
Is this worth the knowing?

Spilling out

I wanted to carve circles beneath my eyes
Strech my skin across the bones of cheeks
Rose the flesh on my skin
Like a scarlet letter
I craved to wear my sadness like a sign of isolation
A note to the world that my insides could not contain itself
A warning that my heart was spilling out
I need to be seen as how i felt
As a confirmation that my existance was real
The world needed to see me bleed