How does it feel to kill yourself from the inside
To hold your heart in your own first and tighten till the oxygen seeps out
The gulp when you realise it might be your last breath
Love is but a leash tightened around the neck of our souls capable of leading us to safety
But instead, we pull in the wrong direction
Leashes turn to nooses
I’m looking for you
Reaching for you
But love has me standing on a stool
And every time you leave
it’s like my heart inches to kick the chair.
Don’t you know all the things we risk to fall in love?
It’s never as simple of a jump as it seems
You are a collapsing galaxy.
The sky is birthed by your triumph to survive.
Living is not just the adventure
Maybe breathing is enough when you have given the world to much
Tell the moon you miss me
It will echoe across the stars
Towards a distant universe where we don’t live apart.
There they will dream little day dreams of the love that lays dormant in our hearts,
In the meanwhile, if we were to stare at the moon tonight We’ll be bathed under the same light, together yet apart.
I do not fall in love
dive into all you are
draw maps around your body
keeping track of the movements of your hands and the blinking of your eye’s
I crave to know you.
I’ll ask questions about existence
beat my existential musing against your mind
counting steps to your soul
I do not fall in love
I run from it towards you
creating mountains and boundaries
hiding in fantasy and make-belief
I’ll romanticise your breathing till you are no longer real,
paging through your horoscope,
checking sun signs and moon positions,
I’m always trying to figure you out,
Like a child tackling a puzzle for the first time,
I am obsessed with knowing.
You will grow to resent me,
unavailable at best,
I will pull you close but never let you in,
like the tide and the moon, we will be in sync
and once I have figured you out,
like a child bored with their toys
My bookshelf much resembles my heart.
It’s filled with stories I had hoped to read and titles I have loved from afar.
I am always too busy to start a book. I’m always too afraid to read.
As if each page may reveal a part of me I was trying to pretend wasn’t real.
I’m made of plot twist and contradiction. I’m sometimes a heavy read.
My shelf has so many books I’m yet to complete
As if I’m hiding from knowing the end. I’m escaping the loss
Like friends, these pages have become to me.
I ‘ve never been good at goodbyes. I’m never good at endings.
I’m always avoiding the last page.
There are so many books I’d wished to never read
and yet they still managed to teach me the world.
My bookshelf resembles my heart.
Filling with Dust but as wide as the world
I need to read more.
I need to try love more
Isn’t it funny the things you start to miss when you sit quietly for to long,
The faces you start sketch
The tears you start to taste
I was told stories of forevers growing up
I only ever find myself saying goodbye.
It is beautiful even if it is sad,
Even if tears the seams of your heart
And causes tidal waves in your soul
It remains beautiful,
Like the sky when it rains
Or the ocean’s waves
It’s beautiful because it’s strong
It roars, it thunders, it cries, it destructs
It makes you feel
What is more beautiful than a heart beat,
irrespective of why it beats?