I do not fall in love
dive into all you are
draw maps around your body
keeping track of the movements of your hands and the blinking of your eye’s
I crave to know you.
I’ll ask questions about existence
beat my existential musing against your mind
counting steps to your soul
I do not fall in love
I run from it towards you
creating mountains and boundaries
hiding in fantasy and make-belief
I’ll romanticise your breathing till you are no longer real,
paging through your horoscope,
checking sun signs and moon positions,
I’m always trying to figure you out,
Like a child tackling a puzzle for the first time,
I am obsessed with knowing.
You will grow to resent me,
unavailable at best,
I will pull you close but never let you in,
like the tide and the moon, we will be in sync
and once I have figured you out,
like a child bored with their toys
My soul keeps begging me to listen
Whistling in wind of thoughts its screaming for me to notice
To ignore the world and what it wants from me,
And instead to listen to my heart
The parts of me in need of freeing
My shadow self is screaming
Grabbing at the scissors
The hair falling at my feet
Its is whispering stop hiding,
Now the world will see you.
I’ve stopped drowing
I’m now drifting in the air
Pushed by winds of change
Tumbling through the currents
My souls been fighting
It is time i let it win.
My bookshelf much resembles my heart.
It’s filled with stories I had hoped to read and titles I have loved from afar.
I am always too busy to start a book. I’m always too afraid to read.
As if each page may reveal a part of me I was trying to pretend wasn’t real.
I’m made of plot twist and contradiction. I’m sometimes a heavy read.
My shelf has so many books I’m yet to complete
As if I’m hiding from knowing the end. I’m escaping the loss
Like friends, these pages have become to me.
I ‘ve never been good at goodbyes. I’m never good at endings.
I’m always avoiding the last page.
There are so many books I’d wished to never read
and yet they still managed to teach me the world.
My bookshelf resembles my heart.
Filling with Dust but as wide as the world
I need to read more.
I need to try love more
Isn’t it funny the things you start to miss when you sit quietly for to long,
The faces you start sketch
The tears you start to taste
I was told stories of forevers growing up
I only ever find myself saying goodbye.
Im suffering from deja vue
My dream life is slipping into my realities
the real world is blurring into make believe.
Im floating on clouds when I walk on pavements
Im chocking on smoke at midnight
the rivers in my eyes are reflecting
the worlds that live behind my eyes
I can't trust my existence
It is beautiful even if it is sad,
Even if tears the seams of your heart
And causes tidal waves in your soul
It remains beautiful,
Like the sky when it rains
Or the ocean’s waves
It’s beautiful because it’s strong
It roars, it thunders, it cries, it destructs
It makes you feel
What is more beautiful than a heart beat,
irrespective of why it beats?
I seemed to have become accustomed to the distorted belief
one should fall in love alone,
As if my heart is only awakened by spiritual distance.
I am a defensive lover.
I must leave before I am left.
I’m indifferent to the prospect of needing another person.
But I am human.
All this flesh.
This beating heart.
I fall in love from a distance.
As an answer to the possibility of loving you up close.
This way I won’t hurt you and you can’t reject me.
I’m in control of my own heartbreak.
I played chess alone in a corner. I loved you from afar.
And when you don’t see my warmth because I hide it so well.
I break my own heart.
I belong to myself.
My heart has no name on it.
Not even my own.