It’s quiet without the gasping for air.

The anxiety is gone but I keep searching for it,
Like I’m a kid in search of a beloved toy
I am turning the room of my mind upside down
Screaming ‘why have you abandoned me’
As if I am alone without the voice
As if no one can hold me as tightly as I can pull my body into its self

I can’t find the panic.
I start to question how I know I’m alive if I’m not struggling for breath,
How will I know if it’s morning if I’m not awoken at 2am and then at 4 again,

I’m healing,
yet the comfort of knowing that some days the elephant visits a seat upon my chest has become something I long for,
who I am without the closing in of walls
I need practice at being ‘well ‘



You don’t have to wait

If the world was burning
should I dare to believe that you would want to be standing next to me?
That in the blaze, your hand would reach out to me
and your arms shelter me from the ashy rains.

We have waited for the right moment to create this love
This shelter for our souls,
But if the flames were to rise before we got close
Would you abandon your fears and logic and come to find me?
Move boulders to get to me?

I am sitting playing with matches,
I’ve burnt so many bridges,
My world has been burning for a while now.
I was wondering if you would call.


I have been playing with words for as long as I can remember ,
but somehow I still can’t find the words to say
that will have the power to make love materialise into
something concrete
something that doesn’t hurt
something that lasts forever
I remain rearranging alphabets to spell the words ‘stay’

Let this love be freedom

let love be
like a soft rippled river flowing towards the sea
deep, (a world beneath the world)

let our love spills over
like waterfalls from your arms
a lake of crystal covering me
(we are cleansed in the beauty of
letting go)
in the faith that we are more than ripples
(more than the winter rains and heavy clouds)
we are the whole oceans.

we flow through life
you and I are stardust and magic
(freeing light in the darkest of souls)

let love flow through you
open up to the flood of all you’ve been afraid to feel
reaching out  for all you’ve been afraid to hold
(there is no distance
for I am in you and you are in me )
we are bathed in the tides at night
hugging the shore beneath the  moon
directing the dance of waves

let love wash over you
let it carry you
let it course through your veins
(my love, I am as much you as you are me )
we are we are these rivers and oceans

we freeze, we condense, we transform,
we are the blood of life its’ sweet nectar

let love be the force that ties us together
(let us be free )
let us love

We need to figure it out

I wish to no longer write of love lost between us
even if it means not thinking about you or outlining the image of this dream
No longer dragging my melancholy pen across a sea of paper.

I hoped we would have figured it out by now,
That the combination of two hearts longing for magic would trace a path way through the skies
Like star fated meant to be’s,

But you are thick
And I am stubborn ,
Like two asses that can’t figure out how to hitch themselves to awagon
Or follow the well lit road,
the road has literally become barrier between us
These train and planes can’t seem to bring you to me anyway ,

I’m left reaching in the dark with the fear that you’re not there,
you have been listening in a crowded city for my call, afraid that the silence means I don’t care.

We can’t begin when we have been throwing everything between us.
How do we move forward when we both to scared to move.

Muscle memory

Do we need to touch for you to remember me?
as if in our embrace our cells remember each other,
To separate has always been agony
it is as if my skin forgets where it starts and finishes,
We fluidly melt into eachother
Like fusing glass
flowing, easing into one

I knew when I drew distance
And in the moment I failed to embrace you
I was looking at the end
Did you think I finalised a goodbye?
In the time spent apart have you replaced me?
Do you no longer long for me?
There is no muscle memory
Our bodies are existing independently,
Give me a chance to remind you.