Perhaps we’re knights

Perhaps it just had to happen this way. The rain. The clouds. The wind hitting against the windows at 2am. As you waited for sleep to fall. Life surprises us sometimes. All that darkness that falls and then suddenly there is the speck of light.

Of course, no one ever sees the darkness or the cartoon cloud that hangs above your head. The misery you apparently caused yourself for so long. It is unseen. You have remained misunderstood. While everyone lived life around you.

 It’s not that anyone was at fault. You can’t blame someone for not reacting to something they can’t see. And you can’t blame yourself for not being able to see that they don’t see what you see. After all, you were too busy spending nights squeezing the rain out your hair. Buckets around you that you couldn’t explain, that the tears kept filling.

Of cause, you held tight to your pain. You tried to convince yourself you weren’t crazy. You ripped your mind out with steak knives at the dinner table to show them:” look! My mind is failing.” You rattled your chest in their ears when the room was silent hoping they would hear the pieces whisper: ”put me back together”.

And you waited for them. The friends. The family. The men who believed they could love you, that they could stay. They couldn’t see the things you saw. The tears you cried. They didn’t wake up to the roaring waves in your mind at night. So, you left them. Or they left you. As you tried to manage your crazy while trying to convince the world of your pain.

And somehow. Someway. You got yourself through it. Through the long nights. The cold days. The days you wondered why you had to even breath.

After all of it. Perhaps it just had to happen this way. That the light would expand, and you would come through it tougher but alone.  So, you can see how beautiful it all made you. How it helps to know you can hold your breath for years and survive it. That they can turn around and not love you and you can survive it. That they may never see the world through your eyes. But you can survive it.

Perhaps when you were a child and prayed to God: “please make me so strong, that I can fight monsters in castles. Why can’t girls be  knights?”, he answered you’re prayers by showing you all the monsters in your head. Gave you a sword and let you fight them yourself. As the sky whispered: “show them how brave you are “.

Perhaps it just had to happen this way. So, you can learn how beautiful it is to rise above it all.

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